Is Therapy Right for You?
I encounter people all the time who tell me things like, “I know I need some help, but I don’t need to be in therapy.” Or, “I can’t afford to be in therapy right now.” Or, the most common one, “I’m afraid of what I might find out about myself if I start therapy.” These are all in their own right, reasonable sentiments, and they are all things that I have thought at various times in my own life. So I thought in order to help people who are undecided about therapy, I would put together a brief FAQ guide here to help you better decide if therapy is right for you right now.
What do you do in therapy?
What you, the client would do, is start telling me about yourself. Nothing is off limits here. Therapy is bizarre, in that it is a time and place where you can talk about all of the things that you don’t feel comfortable saying to the other people in your life. Your fears, your hopes, your desires, who and what makes you angry, even that one secret that you have been afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgement, we can talk about all of this.
What if I tell you something and you judge me for it?
Short answer—I won’t. The long answer is this—everyone has done something that they are ashamed of. Most of us (probably all of us) have done something or had something done to us that we think changed us in a way that, if others knew about, would make us unlovable. The reason that I won’t judge you for what you have gone through is that I know that you are not a bad person. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, and if you are willing to let me help you heal these old wounds, you might come to believe me when I say that there’s nothing broken or unlovable about you.
My problems aren’t that bad compared to others, are they?
No one’s trauma or struggle is better or worse than anyone else’s. If you are in pain, if you are suffering, if you aren’t living a life that brings you joy or contentment, you have a legitimate reason to ask for help.
Can I afford therapy?
Look at the things that we spend money on to make ourselves feel better. Movies, the new clothes that will hopefully make us feel better about ourselves, cable tv, a $6 latte on the way to work, a bottle of wine, gym membership, etc. It’s a never-ending battle to click that “Buy Now” button to try and ease some of the pain and discontent for a short while. What if you used that money to get some longer-lasting help and relief from your ongoing pain? Sometimes, the question is really, “Can I afford not to go to therapy?”
Does therapy actually work?
I am living proof that therapy works. I have experienced growth and healing in my life from therapy that I never would have believed was possible. I have gone from an addict on the edge of death, afraid that the next slightly uncomfortable experience would push me right into the next life-threatening binge, to someone who can stand in the fire with you while we start putting the pieces of your life back together. Not only does it work, but YOU get to decide what you want your life to look like, so long as you are willing to put in the work.
Do I have to tell you about every traumatic thing that has ever happened to me?
Absolutely not. I personally feel that asking a person to relive the most painful experience of their life to somehow “get over it” is not therapy—it’s more trauma. Whatever happened is in the past. You were strong enough and wise enough to survive it. What I’m interested in is how those unhealed wounds are affecting you now. What is happening in your body and mind right this minute is what we can work with. I am living proof that human beings can stop being controlled by the past, and can become someone who can thrive, rather than merely survive.
Can you get rid of my (anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.)?
No. But that’s not bad news. That anxiety, or those addictive thoughts, are as much a part of you as the color of your eyes or your taste in music. It’s an important part of you, and it is also part of the reason that you have survived long enough to find me to ask for help. What we can do is change your relationship to those problematic behaviors and emotional responses. What was once a major hindrance to your happiness and quality of life can actually be an ally and a friend, helping you continue to live your life the way that you want to live it.
What happens when I call or email you?
First, I ask a few questions to find out what you are looking for help with, and then we schedule a free 30 minute initial consultation to learn more about what you need. This free consultation is not just to help me gather information about you, it’s your opportunity to audition me—if I’m not the right Therapist for you, let’s figure that out so that we can find someone who is a better fit for you. And if we do feel like this is a good fit, we will schedule our first full session and start working on getting you your life back.
What if the things that come up in therapy are too much for me?
That’s where I come in. My job is to sit in that discomfort with you and help to slow down the process if things start to get overwhelming. The answers to all of your questions are already inside you. My job is to help you take in these answers at a speed at which you can fully process them. For the same reason that your doctor doesn’t tell you to take your whole bottle of antibiotics at once, I’m not going to push you to jump head-first into the deep end of your psyche and hope you learn how to swim quickly enough to save yourself. If you need to dip your toe in several times before you even contemplate wading into the shallow end, I will be right next to you the whole time.
If any of this intrigues you, that might be a sign that you are ready to start the journey of becoming more fully your true authentic self. If you feel like you’ve been drifting aimlessly through the fog, afraid that you will crash on the rocks at any moment, let me be your lighthouse. We can do this work together, and in the process, you can become strong enough and wise enough to go back out there and chart your own course with confidence.
Contact Jeff
Jeffreylang@jeffreylangcounseling.com
fb.me/jeffreylangcounseling
(720) 773-1364